Sometimes I just need to write (or in this case type) out my frustrations. Let me just say that I am SO anxious...I'm anxious to be done with things and anxious to start new things. We have been house sitting for another couple (friends) for the week...what a blessing! We have been able to come to this house every evening after work and just RELAX and watch some TV...this may not seem like a huge deal to most, but let me explain. We have been living in a basement for the past two years. I am not talking about a nice up-to-date basement, I'm talking about an old basement...oh and with no TV channels. There's many things I could complain about, but the biggest issue I am having is privacy and making the place my own. Unfortunately we are not in a financial place to live on our own and are not sure when we will be. I remind myself DAILY that I should be very thankful that we have a roof over our heads, and for Caleb's grandparents letting us stay there! Right now Caleb really feels like we need to stay there not only for fanancial reasons but because of grandpa's health. Caleb has been a huge help! He is definitely a servant...and a humble one at that. I definitely need to work on this...
Other things I'm so anxious and excited for:
*Caleb to have a job and be done with school! Unfortunately he still has two full years left.
*KIDS! I have ALWAYS wanted to be a stay-at-home mom....my mom was amazing and I LOVED the fact that she was always there for me. I want to do the same for my kids.
*Working part-time on my own schedule. I honestly didn't want to go to college, but my mom encouraged me to go just in case my future spouse passed and I needed a job. I'm glad I went, but in some ways I feel like it was a waste of money. In other ways I feel like should go back to school to get a masters...or even a PhD...even though I really don't want to!
*Having a job that pays every hour I'm there!
*A home of our own.
*Being close to family. My heart aches regularly because of the distance in our family. My brother and sister live in different states...and now my mom too. I pray that one day we will all be in the same state again and live within a 20 mile radius of each other. My sister and I have always wanted to raise our kids together just like my mom and aunt raised us cousins together.
Even though life is difficult right now, there are so many little blessings that feel HUGE to me and help me get through the day-to-day...being able to house-sit (we are house-sitting for 3 couples within a month's time period. BLESSING!), having a great boss who allows me to take numerous family vacations over the summer even though I do not have paid time off, having a wonderful hubby (he does so much it would take me years to write it all! He is such an amazing man), having family next door, literally, it's great having Caleb's family close even though it makes me yearn for mine at times; I am also thankful for the wonderful church full of wonderful people and a wonderful pastor!
I am praying for a more positive attitude about life. I have to work at it daily. But thankfully God is walking right by my side through everything. I've fallen a lot over the past couple years, but He is always there to pick me up and help me get on my feet again. But you know, I always need to hold His hand and thankfully He never wants to let go even if I try.